The ABC of AMAZING Poshmark Closets

Parts of the following are excerpted from the forthcoming “PoshMark’s the Spot”. Copyright 2014. All rights reserved. No part of the following may be copied, reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without prior permission of the author.  


It’s as easy as 123…

As simple as DO RE MI….”

This little diddy, courtesy of a wee lad named Michael Jackson and his four bros, is a be-bop addicting tune that denotes the steps of  just how easy it is to fall in love…

It’s classic, it’s cute and it’s driving me crazy.

I’ve been singing “ABC” for 2 weeks.  Non stop.  OUT LOUD.  I’m not sure how it got into my noggin, but I’ve gotta write about it.  It’s this, or deal with repeated public humiliation.  I’m all for private humiliation.  Public humiliation, however leads to alienation at the DMV.  And let me tell you, those DMVers will take you out in the parking lot and GUT you for far less than singing a Jackson Five song in the waiting area…

My repeated song-stressing has been bad.  OscarDog has taken to cowering in his crate.  If speaking to a plant inspires growth, I’ve killed all of mine with a single verse.  This is worse than the Barney Song.  Worse than “Achy Breaky Heart”.  And MUCH worse than anything that Styx put out after Dennis DeYoung went all Kilroy on his head-shaking bandmates.

On the 53rd repeat of “ABC” one morning (as I was Poshing over Greek yogurt and granola), I started thinking of how easily one can fall in love… with a really amazing Poshmark closet.

You know the closets to which I’m referring.  They’re indelible.  You see one covershot and BAM, you know WHO it is.  You probably have the inventory memorized.

Poshmark does have some truly AMAZING closets.  What’s surprising is how many of these owners started out with ZERO previous selling or boutique experience.  Some as young as 14 are already funding future college expenses – while others are well-beyond middle age, thrilled to have extra cash.  Looks like it’s time to be the sugar momma, ladies.

Many have never left their home state. Others have gone around the world, wiring their exotic experiences through their closet wares.

Some Poshmark closets are powerhouses of designer fashion.  I know I’m not the only one aghast at the manner of high-end designer brands available at bargain prices – so high as to result in a nosebleed just scrolling through.

And yet, many of these amazing Posh closets are just like that old brick and mortar consignment boutique from your college days.  These are the “low to median” range closets – $10 sweaters, $15 shoes, vintage, mod, handmade…  You could just live there all day and forget about that midterm chemistry exam. These closets warrant no blood loss via your schnozz, no buyer’s remorse and no worry that a bundle could mean a “severe talking to” by your parents.

There’s something about all of these closets that sets them apart.

We know them by username AND first name.  They know how to draw the customers in and make the sale.   They ooze great service and receive staggeringly positive feedback.  They get SHARES.  Wowsers, do they get the shares.  They have a loyal following and a lot of repeat business.  Follower numbers?  Some are in digits I can’t even count to, while others just seemed to have knocked it out of the park with their first at-bat.

As Poshmark grows endlessly by leaps and bounds, so does the number of new Poshers flocking into these closets – asking, inquiring, aching for a sign…..a formula to become their own AMAZING closet.  These newbie closets are that water fountain in the corner that REALLY wants to vend Coca Cola.  Or, at the very least Dasani.

They need and want a formula for success.

I’ve been spending a lot of time researching in some of the more iconic Posh closets to derive such a recipe.  I’ve browsed hundreds.  I won’t divulge any usernames here – that’s not my purpose.  My idea is to blend together what I’ve seen (in the best – of the best – of the best) in order to create a list of characteristics that ALL of these closets possess.

In essence, “9 Traits of AMAZING Posh Closets”.

Why 9 and NOT 10?  As soon as you read this and my next two posts, it will make perfect sense.

But be prepared.  If you catch yourself humming just a bit, go ahead and let the bubble-gum pop overcome you. You’ll have a better time reading through to the end.  But please, don’t hunt me down on Poshmark and toilet paper my listings because I’ve awakened an UNENDING musical interlude in your life.  Just move to the groove and feel free to apply these same 9 easy steps to EVERYTHING else you do off Posh….which can’t be very much. 😉


Let’s start with A.  A is for “AMAZING” but here I want you to think of  A as in “ASK” and “ASSESS”  

(Please note: that’s NOT “asses”, but I’ll get to some later….)

BEFORE you list ANY item, ASK yourself two questions:

1. “WOULD I BUY THIS ONLINE without having it in my hands first?

2. “If I did buy it, WOULD I BE SHOCKED AT ITS CONDITION upon receiving it?”

If you said NO to the first question or YES to the second, Amazing Posh Closet survey says:  DON’T POSH IT.

Your closet items don’t have to be nosebleed high-end, but without the pull of a designer brand on the label, they should be in at least REALLY good to excellent condition.  ASSESSING what you have is key and that means a thorough inspection.

DON’T SELL IT UNLESS IT’S CLEAN!!!    Ya gotta take the time to clean or dry clean and ALWAYS remove the pet hair!!  If we can’t own Fido due to allergies, we certainly don’t want him in our mailbox.  Look for stains (makeup and deodorant are notorious) along with tears, snags, missing buttons, broken zippers. Take a minute to “smell what you sell”.  Yep, take a good whiff and see if you have a lingering odor that could offend.  If you are sinus congested, hand it to someone else and have them take a whiff. Make a party out of it.

(Btw, if that someone else is your DH, congratulate yourself for having an accommodating one.)

Smoke-based odors are bad, but even the perfume you use can be pungent.  Consider a second laundering with natural air drying, but please please please, don’t try to mask a smell with another smell.  That’s the teenage boy method of showering.  It’s what gives male locker rooms their distinctive “eau de THAT’S NOT RIGHT!”

By the way, that was the “asses” section of this post.  Feel free to draw breath again.

Like Sherlock Holmes, Ms. Marple and Inspector Clouseau, you MUST be a tough as nails bloodhound detective on your own items.  Yep, even the brand new ones you just acquired but have decided to Posh, must be evaluated using ALL OF YOUR SENSES.

(Ehhhh…. caught me, didn’t you?  Right now, you are saying, “Hey, what about the senses of taste and hearing?  How do I incorporate THOSE into my Posh detective work?”)

As for hearing, just put your ear to your shoes…

Try on a pair of older shoes, then take a brisk walk in a quiet area.  Hear anything?  Is there a “squishy squeaking” sound?  If they’ve been a favorite pair,  your weight and gait may have changed them.  If a rotund stalking rodent squeal wigs you out, imagine what it will do for your buyer.  And yes, even new shoes squeak.  You can still Posh them, but you may want to mention that in your listing.

Aside from handbags, shoes are the ONE item where you need to pull out all stops with regards to assessment. This is why amazing closets only offer shoes that are NWT, NWOT or worn gently – at most twice.  And they ALWAYS photograph the back of the heel for you.  The heel is the go-to view for shoe condition.  Misshapen heels imply heavy use.  Scuffs are not a good indicator since they can be caused by improper storage.  Sole condition, while helpful, can also mislead because leather soles can appear destroyed with only one wearing.  ALWAYS check the heels before you sell.  If they appear to have been chewed by that friendly beast that resides in your closet – the one that is staring at you right now – Amazing Posh Closet Survey says: DON’T POSH.

This isn’t to say that flawed items don’t belong on Posh, but you need to give the full 411 – flaws, warts and all, no matter how minute.

As for sense of taste – that’s easy, but it’s a play on words.  Amazing closets have great TASTE in fashion.  And this is summed in many, many ways.  They might have a gift for predicting future trends.  Perhaps they can tell vintage Chanel from new Chanel – vintage Target from new Target.  Maybe they rely on style with comfort, vending to you boho and grunge and anything that can get “mussed” and still look fabulous.

One thing is certain, these Poshers have the amazing ability to EDIT.  They don’t just Posh everything they find.  They take a minute to select what should be Poshed and what shouldn’t.  To be like them, you gotta think like them.  Always ASK and always ASSESS – consider the “Poshibility” on EVERY item.  If you REALLY wouldn’t want it yourself, chances are no one else will.  Your closet should be built around items YOU WANT, even if you’re SHOCKED to be letting them go.


B is for “BRAND”.  Not Russell.  He is soooo yesterday’s ex-husband.  I’m talking about THIS kind of BRAND.

No, you don’t have to be hog-tied and held down for a branding.  Though I suppose there are many Poshers who would rise to the idea of having the Poshmark logo branded somewhere I’d only show on the 3rd date.  After all, Poshmark has become a brand.  There are multiple selling apps out there, but who doesn’t say, on a daily basis,  “Yep. I can definitely “POSH” that”?

Posh closets can be branded as well, and many are now going this route as they’ve taken Posh from part-time hobby to full-time business.  Even without the taxed title of business owner, you are marketing yourself and your closet, so it’s important to bring your A-game.  You just need to have a niche that you can do easily and do well.  And you must stay consistent so your customers can grasp it and then tell others.

Examples are boundless.  If I said “shoes”, you probably have a seller in mind that you would seek first and send other buyers to.  If you’re hot on vintage, you know precisely which closet to find it.  If you want stylish, modern jewelry, “that certain Posher” is your trusted seller.  Guess what?  These are some of the Amazing Posh Closets I’ve seen.

What if  I said “chalkboard listings”, “girls’ name titles”, “world traveler”, “fashion blogger” or “smokin hot mannie”?  Closets can brand themselves without even trying.  A personality brand is much easier to acquire, but again it will be born out of consistency.

But branding isn’t an automatic given.  I know of many established Poshers who are still trying to find a hook that reels them in.  The best option is not to fly into it haphazardly.  Allow yourself time and don’t be afraid to ask others for input.  Branding can be elusive, but it is one goal you will want to strongly consider.

There are almost 300,000 Poshmark closets actively selling – and that figure grows every day.  Branding is one way to keep your closet from getting lost in the crowd.


C is for the “COVERSHOT”.  Bet you wouldn’t have guessed THAT one in a million years.

It’s the biggie on the list and there are plenty of reasons why….

The covershot, the FIRST picture for your item – the one picture WE REMEMBER most – is SO IMPORTANT it can’t be overstated ev-aaaaahhhhh.

It’s so important, I know more about it than Obamacare.  I can’t tell you what health insurance is doing these days, but I can tell you how I’m going to photograph these 20 items I’ve just acquired from a client.

I foresee Covershot 101 being offered at the next Poshfest, or at the very least as a downloadable online course.  There are so many considerations it’s impossible to list them all.   What ANGLES do you use when your item is too big for the Poshmark picture square?  How do you photograph ZEBRA prints without making them look distorted?  See?  From A to Z.  And on and on….

I could just say KEEP IMPROVING your covershots.  But that’s such the easy answer, and you’d likely blow me a raspberry for my effort.  One thing is certain: amazing closets have the covershot thing down to an exact art.  These sellers have their photo areas, lighting and creative juices flowing – and at their disposal – and they ain’t afraid to use them.

While it may seem tedious at first, nailing the mastery of covershot photography can become a natural state of Poshing.  You WILL actually reach the point where anything less simply won’t do.  So in an effort to rile you up and make you aware of your full CS potential, let’s all steel away our phone cameras and go over:


No, you won’t be tested on the previous 343,503.



Don’t be an enabler – in anything, generally – unless it’s something that will get me closer to meeting Hugh Jackman.

In terms of Posh, you don’t want us to scroll past – all cylinders clicking with no braking.  It’s imperative to halt the madness of our never-ending Posh feed scroll with your covershot prowess.  If I’m scanning and your item pops up, it needs to stop me dead in my tracks.  You want me to click, right then and there, and be EXTREMELY interested in making that item MINE MINE MINE or at the very least compelled to get my SHARE on with it.  And while I’m at it, I think I’ll just check out your entire closet.

The covershot is THE SINGLE most influential way to get a Posher into your closet. The second one is “HEY, COME INTO MY CLOSET!” but that doesn’t work so well when you post it on someone else’s listing.  You’ll probably get a reprimand and be stricken from that seller’s Christmas card list.  Bummer, dude.

Wanna lure ’em for realz?  Give ’em a covershot that knocks their stilettos as far away as Emma Thompson chucked those Louboutins at the Golden Globes last week. And once you get ’em across the threshold, have EVEN BETTER covershots to make them STAY.


Once you have a covershot, don’t place all your eggs in that covershot basket.  If your item isn’t getting the shares and likes you had hoped for, don’t be afraid to switch photos in your listing.  If one pic shows your handbag sitting on a nice background, use that for a while.  Then, use picture 3 of you holding the handbag.  Even the best covershots do tend to get, well….boring.  The same lure doesn’t work for all the fish in Poshmark’s rapid stream.  Be prepared to cast a new line every now and then.


Stock pictures are a real draw for many Poshers.  These are the pictures found online that show your item when it was new. These pics entice because they are more than likely perfect.  The lighting is great, the model has straight teeth, and most importantly – no muffin top.  The item looks like it’s been gilded specifically for the shot which looks like it was photographed on the French Riviera.

We get it.  They spend millions of dollars on advertising and that makes their items appear to be of the anti-suck variety.  We just REALLY want the same from our iPhone 5s and this…15×8 painted wall.

And Lord knows we TRY. We brush our teeth, apply makeup, enlist the aid of Spandex and set up a fan so our hair looks like it’s blown by the tropical breezes we’re only just imagining while standing in our duplex hallway.  So what if we haven’t eaten in 10 hours.  Where are the children?  We’re at the photo shoot.  Leave us alone.

But DAMN if that designer’s website doesn’t ALWAYS do a better job.

If you’re selling what they’ve already photographed for you, it’s likely very chill to use that stock pic.  If it’s copyrighted, you need permission. One simple way to know this is to right click on the image and see if it prevents you from copying onto your computer.  Then look at the site for any mention of image copyrights and attain them if needed.  Either way, you need to give a credit in your listing. “pic 1 from macy’”

However, from what I’ve seen in all those amazing Posh closets I’ve visited, sellers generally shy away from the stock image and opt for the DIY route with regard to covershots.  Why?  Because most buyers are aware of the stock pic thing and want to know what they are REALLY buying.  More often than not, the DIY photographed item sells faster.

Still convinced that you want to save time and go stock?  That’s cool, but here are a few examples where your covershot photo absolutely NEEDS to be a DIY:

EXAMPLE: You’ve got a green BCBG dress you’re selling but you can only find a BCBG stock pic of the dress in blue.  The model is fabulous – long hair, great legs, flat tummy – all the things you aren’t.

If possible, save the blue dress pic for your 2nd-4th listing photo and give us a really lovely composition covershot of your actual green dress. Doesn’t matter that you’re not wearing it.  Make sure you mention in the listing that the blue dress is what it is – a representation of what the dress looks like when it’s modeled, but you’re selling it in green.  Oh, and your pic came from, of course.

EXAMPLE: You’ve found a photo of brown Frye boots at  Your boots don’t look EXACTLY like the photo. Yours are a slightly different style and but they’re brown AND they’re Frye boots. No harm – no foul, right?

To the unsuspecting buyer who’s never seen your boots, this would seem like a fantastic option, except now you have a misrepresentation problem.  If she clicks buy, you’re sending her… well, completely different boots.  Time to chuck that pic.

Here’s an example of picture usage that gets sticky in the Posh universe:  You’re selling a cute tee shirt with a kitten on the front.  It’s 2 sizes too small for you and you can’t do it justice by modeling it.  Amazingly – Posher X is selling the exact SAME shirt!  SCORE!  You quickly screen capture her covershot showing HER wearing the shirt. She looks great, btw.  You upload it with a few pics of your tee-shirt on the hanger and… DONE!

Hold on, Jesse James.  You might want to rethink that tactic.  Using another Posher’s pics without their consent is actually covered in the Poshmark TOS (Terms of Service) under Intellectual Property, specifically the Infringement Policy. It can be found HERE.

Just as it is with all copyrighted material, Posher X’s original pics are her intellectual property.  Unless she gives you her consent to use them, you are clearly in the wrong to make them part of your own closet.  Make it simple for both of you.  Ask permission.  Usually, Posher X will be flattered that you think her pics are so worthy.  And make sure you give her a photo credit in your description.  Who knows, she may even start sharing it for you and increase your exposure.  That’s good business right there.

And btw, if YOU are Posher X, you can keep the photo thievery at bay by watermarking your photos.  Just printing your name across the item in a very faint script does it.  Yes, it takes extra time and can sometimes obstruct our view of what you’re selling, but that’s the point of making it difficult for someone else to use, right?

Along the same lines:  If you purchased something on Posh that doesn’t fit and you want to RE-POSH it, you can.  But it’s a common courtesy to let the seller know that you are going to list the item in your own closet.  She may even allow you access to her pics to save you time listing it – if the item condition hasn’t changed since she sold it to you.  Be prepared for her to say – “nope, you gotta go through the motions on this – don’t use my body in your closet.”

(Btw, I don’t know for certain that Ryan Gosling, Robert Downey Jr., Channing Tatum and my guy Hugh have absolutely NO QUALMS with us using THEIR bodies in our closets, but it’s PROBABLY fine.  Hold on while I attain a verbal ok….)

Seriously, in all of these examples, it’s clear – SAVE yourself the Posh drama of having a confused or angry buyer.  Photograph your item yourself and give us an accurate item description.  Don’t rely on that stock pic to sell your item because you noted the differences in your description.  A safe assumption on Poshmark is that most Poshers skim listing descriptions.  {hand raised} Ahem, …guilty.  I’m a picture book kiddie on Poshmark.  There are a few closets whose item descriptions I read fully, but that’s because they are so darn funny.  Nine times out of ten, I’m looking at that covershot and will read your description only if I’m interested in buying.

Pretty things attract.  Make sure your pretty thing is ACTUALLY what you are selling.

Whew, that was a long one.  How about we move on to our last rule?


Here’s a challenge: If you already have an established closet, take a minute and approach each of your listings from a viewpoint of someone who’s never seen them.  Look at your photos and then look at the actual item.  Good match?

How’s that first pic?  Are you lured in?  Is the lighting good? Can you see the detail? What about the background? Worse thing ever, ladies – unmentionables on your unmade bed just off to the side of that blouse you’re selling.  It might have slipped your notice, but it certainly won’t slip ours.  This is a classic content mistake.  You won’t see that happening in an Amazing Posh Closet.

The CONTENT of your covershot needs to tell us immediately what you are selling without distracting us.  Even if you are wearing the item while standing outside on the roof of a building, balloons in one hand – we should know, without asking a single question, that you’re offering us something awesome at a bargain price.

This means figuring out the best way to display your item to showcase it.  This involves the background, the lighting, how it is modeled (on you, your friend, a mannequin, or even the floor) and what else makes it into the picture.  As they say in FBI training, “always check your corners…”

A naturally-lit item is best, but if you can’t take it outside, find an area of your home and make it YOUR PLACE to take photos.

No, the dog can’t lie there.  Nobody better be eating crumbly foods in the vicinity.  No running through with muddy shoes, kiddos. Yes, it can be your bed.  Made beds in neat debris-free bedrooms ooze organization.  Since we can’t visit you personally, you have to make a clear statement to us that you take great care of your wardrobe, so we’ll desire your clothes.  Debris and a messy photo shoot makes us wonder what you do with the item immediately after you take the photo.  I’m envisioning chucking it into a corner and letting the muddy dog eat crumbly things on it.

Make sure you have the BEST lighting available.  If you don’t have the lighting – find ways to create it.  I’ve previously posted that an LED flashlight in a dimly lit room can help spotlight smaller items without having to resort to the wash-out flash of your phone’s camera. But keep an eye on how that window light is hitting your item as well.  It can cause a glare on your screen and fade out colors in almost the exact same way.  This is the reason why the best nature photos are taken on days immediately after it rains. Color pops when the lighting is subdued.

CREATIVITY is your next consideration.  When you photograph for your closet, you need to think of every single photo as if it were a piece of art.  Let it show your personality.  If you’re a minimalist, you’ll stick to a neutral palette.  If you are the exhibitionist, you’ll have firetrucks and clowns and fighting matadors and it will be a feast for the sensations. And while we’re on that subject, be careful with TOO much pattern in your backdrop.  Especially if you throw a patterned item on top of it.  Seizures abound in this kind of creativity.  That makes us shut the phone off and swear away from your closet.  NOT good.

Looking for a cheap backdrop?  Go to your local fabric store and pick up remnant pieces of fabric in neutral colors.  You Lady Godivas should grab a small piece of color while at it.  Your local discount store also has inexpensive floor length drapery in black and other neutrals that can be hung on a wall (get light absorbing fabrics to aid in photography).  Butcher paper works just as well, in brilliant crisp white.

Now it’s time to get those creative juices flowing with the best ways to attract a buyer.  Too many examples here, but I strongly suggest you look at instagram stock photos or other closets for inspiration (don’t take their images!) Or just take a gander at a Nordrstom catalog.  Fully accept that in photography, the only limitation is what lies between your own ears.

Finally, (yes, finally!!!) we come to Covershot CLARITY.

“OMG, that handbag is GORGEOUS!  Wait.  Oh, I see – that small set of earrings you’re wearing are the only thing for sale here?  Um….your hair is covering them mostly, can’t really see what they look like.  Gold posts with…. No, silver with….oh, never mind….”

Be aware – misdirection only works when you’re a magician.  Illusions are fun until they turn off buyers.  To sell us your item, it has to be at least one of the bigger items in the window.  That’s one component of CLARITY.

The other is where you grab hold of your buyer with everything in focus and the item spotlit… without blinding us.  And by this, I mean that while I love the graphics apps, it’s so easy to overuse and abuse them.  If you’ve run a photo through 3 different graphics programs and then done a special filter through Poshmark and then added 3 more just as heavily graphic-laden photos to make your covershot a collage, you’ve lost me in translation.  Where’s the ibuprofen?

REMEMBER, COVERSHOTS K.I.S.S. – Keep it Simple, Sistah. The most beautiful covershots I’ve seen on Poshmark emote so much simplicity it hurts.

Always be editing yourself.  If you aren’t sure, ask for someone else’s opinion.  In this case, make it another Posher.  If she says that she’d be willing to remove organs to wear that dress, you might be on to something.

But if she mentions that your pic looks akin to that of a mug shot, please don’t despair….

Just ask the inmate to return your jewelry and try something else.


Stay tuned for my next post –  “The 1-2-3 of AMAZING Poshmark Closets” 

Hey, have you seen other distinguishing characteristics of AMAZING closets?  Feel free to comment below!  And for MORE Posh Q-Tips, please visit my closet at

Ready For My Close-Up, Mr. DeMille…

I’ve always dreamed of being on the big screen, and with Poshmark, dreams really do come true!  This is a special “Saving you Money” segment from Nashville affiliate Fox News 17, November 2013.




Minnie’s Musings – My Life With A Posh Addict


Minnie the Mannie. She’s waving and smiling. You just can’t see it.


Meet Minnie, the mannie.

She’s technically a dress form, but Minnie aspires to one day become a full-fledged mannequin.  She dreams of the day when Donatella Tory Wang – that fabulous designer fashion fairy – drops by in her limo and rewards Minnie’s infinite patience and modeling work by gifting her with arms, legs,….

…maybe even a head.

For now, however, Minnie struggles with her reality.  Ever since she was scooped up from that Hobby Lobby sales floor, she’s been living 24/7 with a full-time Posh addict.  It’s a hard-knock life. The pay sucks, her owner is demented from lack of sleep,  and deep down, Minnie can’t help but feel like she’s nothing more than a glorified clothes hanger.

But Minnie, our “damsel in this dress” is on a mission.  And if it means modeling her cut-off bootie at all hours of the night to earn those damask limbs, she’ll do it.  She dreams of escape… of finding the “mannequin of her dreams”…of settling down in a magnificent mannie-shun and having many mini Minnies (and maybe a few mini Mannies).  Of getting a high-paying gig at the Mall of America in Minnesota.

In the minnie time, er….meantime, she strikes imaginary poses for the flash of an iPhone, cringes whenever a new bag of clothes enters the closet, and wishes a thought balloon would pop up over her headless torso – just so she could let her owner know how she REALLY feels.

…and through the magic of internet blogging technology, that has JUST happened….

Here, now, a glimpse..a sneak-peek into a few hours in the life of Minnie – the long-suffering, outspoken, yet fashionably bedecked mannequin wannabe dress form who lives in a Posh addict’s closet…

Monday, 7:02 am – “Why, hello there, ‘Owner’s Hubby’!  It’s sooooo refreshing to see a well-rested human being for a change….  OMG, were you aware that your wife used me until 3 am this morning??!  3am!  I thought she would NEVER pass out on the closet floor.  Whoa, COLD HANDS, MISTER!  I know that I’m standing between you and the bathroom door, but you really don’t need to manhandle me becau….hey, dude…seriously.  I’m wearing what’s called ‘chiffon’.  Does that word MEAN anything to you?!”

7:45 am – “There he goes, off to work… {sigh}  He REALLY is quite cute.  If I were her, I certainly wouldn’t ignore him…OH, HAVE A NICE DAY!  I’m betting you’d like to be told that every now and then, maybe even today… but she’s snoring like a locomotive at the moment.  I’m sure she wants you to have a nice day as wel…OMG, GIRLFRIEND!  Are your sinuses really THAT jacked up?  TURN OVER, would you?!”

10:17 am – “Oh, hell.  The She-beast finally awakens. Good morning, Madam Cray Cray.  Whoa, check YOU out…. Yeah, nice hair, girlfriend.  I see we used up ALL the hairspray again last night.  Third time this week?  BTW, Marge Simpson called.  She wants her ‘hive back.  Oh, yes….  You’ve retrieved your iPhone from the charger.  I see that WE won’t be getting out of bed for AT LEAST another hour.  What else is new?  I know, same old saying – SO much Poshing…. so little time to live your normal life…”

11:34 am – “Wow, I nodded off there for just a moment, but are you seriously STILL in bed?  Hey, the doorbell is ringing.  Are you gonna?….no…you… aren’t.  Ya’ know, I’d get that for you but I’m a little short-handed at the moment.  Ba-dum-bump….  Yeah, so…just gonna stand here at attention, same as always, wooden post placed rather precariously up my back side.  I’ll just wait for you to get some….hey, don’t walk away from me… WHEN.. I’M…TALKING… RUDE!!!  SO, YEAH – JUST GET SOME BREAKFAST!  OKAY!?  EAT AND THEN WE’LL WORK!  YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME….AND JUST AN FYI – WHEN YOU WAIT THIS LONG, IT’S ACTUALLY CALLED LUNCH!”

11:38 am –  “HELL.  TO.  THE.  NO…  Are you touched?  There is NO way that size 2 is gonna fit me.  Hell-O…  I’m a size 4/6.  See these?  They’re called boobs.  Yes, they’re filled with compacted cardboard and foam but hey, 34B and proud as I can be.  Seriously, doll….this is not going to…okay, okay, oh…..WOW, I guess I was wrong.  Hey, I look frickin’ awesome in this!  You really sure you want to sell it?  Not meaning that you should keep it for yourself, ’cause damn, girl… let me just say… that extra piece of cheesecake was clearly NOT calling your name last night. Ow….ow, owwwww.  You just snagged my invisible hair with the zipper. RUDE!  Ok, you’re gonna try it on?  Ooo, yeah.  Told ya’.  Yeah, that…that muffin area…that can’t be that little bit of fabric.  Wait.  Did you just mumble something under your breath?  I heard ‘something….dress form’.  Was that the f-word?  Really?  Really?  Oh girl, just you wait.  I am totally NOT going to smile for your photos and make it easy for you today.  Might as well just forget that awesome covershot for your closet.  See.  NOT smiling.  REALLY.  NOT SMILING…”

4:50 pm – “Oh, goodie goodie gumdrops!  You’re finally home!  I was kind of hoping you’d get lost in the mall parking lot again.  Oh, and I see that you just liberated that TJ Maxx of ALL it’s inventory.  Did you leave anything on the hangers?  Seriously!?  No woman in her right mind needs this many lime green handbags unless her shoes are all made from Kermit the Frog.  Oop…yeah, hide that stuff quick, doll.  That cute guy might come home early again…”

8:54 pm – “It’s called FOOD.  You should eat some.  It’s good for you.”

9:00 pm – “Oh thank GOD for Posh Parties…. I can really use a few extra ZZZs”

9:01 pm – “TAP, TAP, TAP… TAP.’  CAN’T YOU GIVE IT A REST ON THAT KEYBOARD?  Some of us need the rest!”

11:01 pm – “Okay, awake and ready to go.. Whoa… where did she…?  ?  Hey, where did she go?  No, seriously.  Did she go to bed?  BEFORE midnight?  I can’t believe she is final…..”

{toilet flush}

“Well, that was 3 seconds of excitement.  Oh, sure thing, boss…..  Yep, you know it.  I’m super excited to put in an all-nighter with you….AGAIN.

I have thought of NOTHING else, all day….”

Gotta Smashin’ Passion for Poshin’ Fashion!


  [dih-strak-shun] noun

that which amuses, entertains, diverts; amusement; entertainment: 

“Poshing is her major distraction.”



madness, lunacy, insanity, craziness.


Seems I’ve been a bit….oh, can’t find the word for it….was right on the tip of my tongue.  Darn.  I’m just so…..I don’t know, maybe just so not caught up in the world at large.  Are we having trouble with North Korea?  I seem to recall something somewhere about it.  Ummm….wow.  Did I eat lunch today?  Where is my dog?  Do I have a dog?  I think I may have left water running…   Oh, and my husband told me I need to get paperwork together.  Something about tax time.  I’m sorry…I don’t… ummm, what month is this?

Ya’ know those kids that are anatomically hooked into their smart phones?  You see them on the subway or at a restaurant, maybe sitting at the dinner table across from you.  You aren’t sure it’s a kid.  All you can see is the top of a head and it isn’t grayed.. there’s no thinning of the hair.  That must be a kid.  Do they know you are in the room?  If the couch caught on fire, would they attempt to flee?  Could they successfully navigate crossing a busy 6 lane street without looking up once??

That’s now me.  And the reason is Poshmark.

If you don’t know what Poshmark is, please, go visit my closet now.  Then, take a few minutes and process that what you are seeing has been my main focus EVERY single day for 2 months.  I’m not that lawn care guy driving into neighborhood after neighborhood taping my business card on mailbox after mailbox, but my effort is pretty much the same.  And while some things stay the same, my world (and the world of those I live with) has turned completely upside down.

Hello.  My name is Brenda, and I’m a Poshmark-aholic.  I’ll give you a little insight into my life then…and now.

THEN –  I can go a WHOLE day without having to perform any kind of recharge on my iPhone.  Yeah, I know.  Lucky!!!  It will be at LEAST 10pm before the “20% of battery remaining ” pops up on my screen for the first time today.

NOW –  I’m down a full charge and I haven’t even changed out of my pj’s.  I’m carrying a portable battery charger on me at ALL times.  I mean, there’s no telling if I’ll be able to find an outlet in that TJMaxx, or make it across that parking lot in time to charge in the car.  And I’m getting ultra paranoid in this regard.  What if a charging rhino or a marching band gets in the way of me charging my phone?

THEN – Updating my Facebook status at least 4 times a day and I’m on every few seconds to see if anyone has liked or commented.  I know what everyone is doing in my Facebook universe, down to that child’s lost tooth or how devastated some of my friends are….4 months after the election.

NOW – I’m on Facebook less than 5 minutes a day.  OMG.  I can’t BELIEVE I just said that.

THEN – The 32 gigs on my iPhone are getting NO LOVE.  Updating my phone on iTunes is a joke.  I have less than 200 photos on my iPhone camera roll and most of those are of my dog or the photographic journaling of my latest foil job at the hair salon.  Don’t ask…it’s a girl thing.

NOW –  I have taken almost 2100 photos on my phone in 4 weeks.  And 95 percent of those are breathtaking pictures of….. clothing….pics of clothing worn by me, clothing draped on me, clothing displayed on my bedspread, clothing draped into fashionably spectacular positions over my latest issue of Vanity Fair, clothing on a hanger suspended over a doorframe because that’s the best lighting, and clothing modeled by my mannequin.  Yes, you heard me correctly.

THEN – I don’t own a mannequin.

NOW – I own a mannequin…and it’s getting more attention than my husband.  Okay, it’s technically a dress form, buuuuutttt, go ahead….tell me how lucky I am.  My husband refuses to comment.  Unfortunately, said mannequin must be of the female persuasion to adequately model a little black dress with halter top (i.e. must have knockers…)  Those mannequins based on Hugh Jackman’s mind-boggling physique will not work.  And believe me, I tried…

THEN – I visit the interior of my local USPS to buy Christmas stamps or apply for a passport.  Since my passport is current and good for another 10 years, AND I now email my Christmas cards, I’m not even sure if I remember the way to my local USPS.

NOW –  My local USPS knows me on a first name basis and announces my entrance like Rod Roddy used to do on “The Price is Right”.  I’m averaging 4 visits a week, and I always have to get some assistance at the door because I’m so laden with boxes.  I now understand the finer nuances of Express, Priority, and Priority Flat Rate.  Up until now, I just thought those were cool terms for what kind of trains they have in Japan.

THEN – I’m not saying I’m a super gourmand, but I have been known to whip up a fine box of Velveeta Shells and Cheese.

NOW – I haven’t made a home cooked meal since the Super Bowl.  In fact, I didn’t make a home cooked meal that night, either.  (Do pigs in blankets count as “home cooked”?)  And I’m currently online with another Poshmarker joking about the fact that I’m so busy listing clothing and checking the app that I haven’t eaten all day.  I think I need to equip my iPhone with an IV bag so I can keep up nutrition while I Posh.  Hey, I think I’m on to something…

“We interrupt this THEN and NOW for this NOTE to SELF”

Note to self – stop Poshing for 5 minutes to get a patent on that smart phone IV bag thingy….

“Now, back to our regularly scheduled blog…”

THEN – I just bought a digital scale to weigh a Pinewood Derby car for my son.  I’m gonna store it behind my cookbooks because I won’t use it.


THEN – I’m up to date on the latest movies.  I’ve seen everything in the theatre and I’m in the know about which celebrity is sleeping with which celebrity, and if Lindsey Lohan is still in jail.  She’s definitely not currently in jail and Charlie Sheen just bailed her out of her tax debt.  BTW, that ankle manacle looks smashing on her.

NOW – WHAT!  I can’t use my phone in the theatre?!?  Stupid rules.

Ummm..who is Lindsey Lohan?

THEN – Think I’ll just watch a little more TV and turn in for the night.  10PM  Pumpkin time!

NOW – Those California Posh girls stay up until at least midnight!  I’m two hours ahead so I’ll be lucky if I make it to bed by 2AM.  Of course, still have sales to box up.  OMG, did my headless mannequin just smile at me?  Or is that lack of sleep delirium?

THEN – WOW, did you see those stilettos at Hustler Hollywood?!?!

NOW – WOW, did you see those stilettos on Poshmark?!?

THEN – The only fashion designer I know is Michael Kors….because he judges Project Runway, of course!  Did you see that guest judge the other night…um, Beverly something – she has some cray cray hair and outfits!

NOW – Ellen Tracy is not a person.  We have Chanel to thank for the LBD.  I know the difference between a 1990s Giorgio Armani black label and a post-1990s one.  Want to know if that LV Epi Alma you bought from that guy in Times Square is authentic?  Without seeing it, the short answer is NO and… are you out of your mind?

THEN – I’m meeting new friends every day.  These are girls that I’ll know forever.  Think I’ll take ’em out to lunch this week.

NOW – I’m meeting new friends every day.  These are girls that I’ll know forever.  I’ll probably never get to take them to lunch, but our degrees of separation are forever reduced because of this madness, this lunacy, this insanity, this craziness…this distraction.

But boy, oh boy, what a distraction it is!

Too Clothes For Comfort – Part 3

Yes, I know you’ve been waiting SO LONG for the finale to my trilogy of terror on what to do with a messy closet.  Here’s the big reveal…

Cue James Bond Music

Ah, Daniel Craig.  You are definitely the thinking girl’s 007.  Oh, I’ve seen them all, from Lazenby to Brosnan, and you are, by far, my favorite Bond.  So at the end of November, I crowded into my local theatre on Skyfall’s opening night and sat glued to every minute of Adele’s sweeping theme song and Javier Bardem’s creepy villain.  The movie had a fantastic opening weekend at the box office, and I purchased another ticket 4 days later to swoon at Daniel Craig again.

And then that “bloodsucking soap opera” swooped in and dethroned our Mr. Bond.  My heart ached that Skyfall was not given a decent reign atop the box office because every teen girl in America had to see what Bella looked like with creepy red eyes and blood running down her chin.  Ew.  And that creepy baby.  Double ewwww.  Yes, I saw Twilight.  No, I wasn’t impressed, especially if the final act really was just Alice’s vision of the future.  Boo.  I’m reminded of that season on Dallas where Pam woke up and Bobby was in the shower and the whole season was her nightmare.  Does that show my age?  I might be the only 40-something-year-old woman in the world who isn’t Team Edward….or Team Jacob.  See, back in my day, it was Team Bobby or Team JR.  Or Team Bo or Team Luke.  And we all wanted to be either Pam Ewing or Daisy Duke because of the rad outfits.  Team Bobby!  Team Luke!  Rah, rah, rah, sis, boom….

Meanwhile, back on topic – SOMETHING very interesting happened on December 5th.  During my usual morning routine, I opened and started cheering – Bond had usurped the vampires in their 2nd week to retake the box office!!!  I immediately clicked over to read about Skyfall knocking Twilight out of the number one slot.  And as I scrolled through the meatier part of the story, my eye caught another article off to the side of huff post under the daily business headlines.

“Poshmark raises 12 Million for It’s Online Thrift Store”

Um, excuse me?  “Online Thrift Store”?  I mean, I LOVE thrift stores.  But online?  That’s something that I couldn’t quite grasp.

So, I clicked.  And as I read, I could hear it – at the other end of my house, my closet bunnies let out a little collective cheer.


Poshmark is the brainchild of Manish Chandra and team, formerly of Kaboodle.  It seems that Manish (as everyone calls him in the Posh universe) knows about women’s closets and the terror they instill in their owners when the unmanageable, unused and unloved items of a wardrobe become a little too much to bear (and if not for the owner, at least for her spouse).  The Poshmark app was first made available on iPhone.  It’s now crossed over onto iPad, and an Android version is on the horizon.  The popularity of Poshmark has seemingly exploded, and Manish’s epiphany for the darkened closet definitely made me see the light.  And I am not alone.

Remember when Facebook was a word you overheard but didn’t quite know what it meant?  Well, pretty soon “Poshing” will become standard in the official ladies’ room lexicon…because the target audience is MASSIVE.

Really, how many times have you returned home after a hot and heavy session of retail loving and then voluntarily left your purchases in the trunk, so as not to reveal how your credit card just went and did something…gulp, SINFUL?!

Or, have you ever hurriedly stashed new merchandise into the farthest reaches of your closet just as hubby was entering the room?  That story about hiding Christmas presents doesn’t really mesh when you’re only 3 weeks into January. Yep, you’ve now got bagged tagged merch in your possession that won’t see the light of day because it means instant detection.  I’m thinking of that siren that goes off when an inmate climbs the prison wall..

Ok, let’s go another way.  How many items are sitting in your closet waiting patiently for you to put down the Double Stuf Oreos and drop those last 10 pounds?  Sure, those jeans have some stretch, but what you are asking of them is akin to denim abuse.  And by the way, it’s cream…NOT cookie.

How many handbags – NOT PURSES! – do you own that were impulse buys, but are now WITHOUT pulse?  This would include that neon designer monster tote that was marked down 75% but still cost you over $200.  You used it once but it just doesn’t match anything you own.  After all, you don’t normally clothe yourself according to those D.O.T. construction vests on highway 11.  But wow, that bag was a steal, wasn’t it?!  It’s worth far too much to just give away, but when will it ever see the light of day as an adornment to someone who LOVES it?

What about your shoes, honey?  Those Jimmy Choos were a blast of pure shopaholic adrenaline when you bought them on a dare with your girlfriends in tow.  But did you fully realize the sheer physical prowess of maintaining balance on those 6 inch skyscrapers?  Now, as you try them on again for the first time since that tragic fall you blamed on an earthquake in Argentina, your mirror displays your impression of a baby giraffe right after it’s been birthed. This is not style the way that Mr. Choo intended…

So, what exactly IS Poshmark? Well, simply put, it’s like having your own little consignment shop in YOUR closet, in YOUR home, on YOUR time.  You choose what gets sold.  You set the price.  You take care of the display, marketing, and delivery of goods.  You fill your Poshmark closet with items that have lost their way in your closet, hoping to one day find direction with a fashionably responsible new owner.  And, unlike that brick and mortar consignment store into which you have to schlep your clothing, your items stay in your closet until they sell!

Poshmark is the platform for your shop.  It handles the monetary transaction and prompts you when to officially send away your previously worshiped little goodies to new owner paradise.   Poshmark gives you the label with recipient address and USPS priority postage.  You just package lovingly and see it to the post office.  And on that note, I’d like to say that our USPS has got to be getting a TREMENDOUS boost from this app.  I’ve mailed over 20 boxes in the last 2 months just with Poshmark.  I haven’t sent that many boxes by any carrier in my entire lifetime.  Hmmmm, I’m thinking this Poshmark thing could turn around our struggling USPS…This might even be bigger than that fully loaded Kindle in your lap.   Books can stop being made of paper as the written word continues to be downloaded, but you’ll never be able to download a pair of jeans into your inbox.

And in return for this ease of use, Poshmark takes a commission of 20% only after the item sells, which is CHEAP compared to those brick and mortars, and easier to stomach over eBay which charges selling fees whether you successfully sell or not.

Did I say this is easy?  THIS IS EASY!

Remember my other complaint about eBay’s dis-ease of use in listing an item and getting those photos just right?  Well, Poshmark has developed an exquisitely simple format based on instagram – so simple that a seller can have an item listed in less than 2 minutes.   For me, it’s about 4-5 minutes because I like to take a LOT of photos and be EXTREMELY detailed.  Bet you couldn’t guess that, could you?

For the buyer, once registered with the site, it’s a one-click process to make that vintage Bob Marley T-shirt entirely her own. Or, one-click to snag a nice new Kate Spade bag, or just a click to get those barely worn Chanel pumps!  And the closets.  Oh, the closets.  The Poshmark closets range anywhere from small-town apartment college student to suburban soccer mom to Madison Avenue socialite.  And trust me, I’ve looked into hundreds of closets after only two months with Poshmark.  I mean, have you ever seen a woman wearing something fabulous at a party and thought “wow, I’d LOVE 5 minutes in that closet!!!”??

With Poshmark, you can get those 5 minutes.  Heck, you can take a WHOLE day!

But the real reason this app is now dramatically putting its spurs to the mare is the social side of it.  And when I say “dramatically”, I offer up this comparison:  when I joined in January, KateF (our daily Poshmark party invitation girl) was just shy of half a million followers after a 9 month app launch.  Yes, you heard correctly, half a MILLION.  Today, I just checked Kate’s followers and she has nearly 1.1 million and seems to be adding at a rate of at least TEN THOUSAND followers a day.  A DAY!  You won’t find that kind of statistic on Facebook unless it’s Lady Gaga, Michael Phelps or the new guy they just elected to be Pope.

For my friends, I’ve compared Poshmark to “a consignment store that’s pumped up on Facebook steroids”.  This is not an insult.  No, really.  I’m kind of passionate about this because I’ve spent a long time being a stay at home mom and trying to figure out where my niche really is.  And I may have found it on Poshmark.  Clothes shopping and talking.  God, my two favorite things in life!

Once you join Poshmark, you become both a follower and someone who is followed.  This is akin to being a Facebook friend.  And everyone knows – the more Facebook friends you have, the more people who get to see your latest status of “our cat just coughed up a purple hairball and my 20 month old nephew is trying to pick it up  – here’s a photo”.  Poshmark followers are not interested in your cat.  But they will chat with you about what you’re selling or what you are buying.  And it can be anything from asking for another photo of your handbag to a comment on how they already own one and it’s FABULOUS.  If they like what you are selling, they will click the little heart below your listing and let you know in an instant.  If they have a Poshmark friend who has been looking for that style of shoe you’re selling, they’ll tag their friend for an instantaneous viewing.  But what they REALLY do is “share” your closet items to their followers, who then share again, and again.  Remember the old shampoo commercial?  “I used Herbel Essence Shampoo and my friend LOVED my hair.  And so she told two friends about it, and they told two friends, and they told two friends, and so on , and so on…”

So, going back to those towering Jimmy Choos that will eventually cost you a trip to the ER.  It would be best to move them out of the closet and onto the feet of a fashionista who can walk with NO fear.  You photograph them and list them on Poshmark and then something really cool happens – one person likes them, so they share them, and maybe share again.  And pretty soon they are shared to thousands and thousands AND THOUSANDS of other closet owners.  And now your chances of finding that one gal who might be looking to buy barely used 6-inch Jimmy Choos at a discounted price has increased exponentially.  And in your closet down the hall, your Jimmy Choos grin in Toy Story fashion with the realization that they will finally be worn correctly and not just left to linger hopelessly on your closet shelf.

And that’s it.  For two months, I’ve been reorganizing my closet, snapping photos and listing clothes, jewelry, handbags and shoes that just don’t “fit” in there anymore.  I’m joyous in my ability to finally purge without delirium, injury to myself or resounding guilt.  The closet bunnies are ecstatic with all the fresh air AND I’m bringing in some cash. Okay, I admit it’s not all going back into my bank account, but at the very least, it’s funding new acquisitions… And even if my latest impulse buys only live in my closet for a few months, there’s hope they’ll live happily… somewhere, thanks to Poshmark.

So, there you have it, girls.  Now, put down those Oreos and start raiding that closet, and I’ll SEE YOU in the Poshmark universe…

…as long as I’m wearing my readers…. {grin}

Check out my closet now!!!