Gotta Smashin’ Passion for Poshin’ Fashion!

dis·trac·tion

  [dih-strak-shun] noun

that which amuses, entertains, diverts; amusement; entertainment: 

“Poshing is her major distraction.”

 

Synonyms

madness, lunacy, insanity, craziness.

 

Seems I’ve been a bit….oh, can’t find the word for it….was right on the tip of my tongue.  Darn.  I’m just so…..I don’t know, maybe just so not caught up in the world at large.  Are we having trouble with North Korea?  I seem to recall something somewhere about it.  Ummm….wow.  Did I eat lunch today?  Where is my dog?  Do I have a dog?  I think I may have left water running…   Oh, and my husband told me I need to get paperwork together.  Something about tax time.  I’m sorry…I don’t… ummm, what month is this?

Ya’ know those kids that are anatomically hooked into their smart phones?  You see them on the subway or at a restaurant, maybe sitting at the dinner table across from you.  You aren’t sure it’s a kid.  All you can see is the top of a head and it isn’t grayed.. there’s no thinning of the hair.  That must be a kid.  Do they know you are in the room?  If the couch caught on fire, would they attempt to flee?  Could they successfully navigate crossing a busy 6 lane street without looking up once??

That’s now me.  And the reason is Poshmark.

If you don’t know what Poshmark is, please, go visit my closet now.  Then, take a few minutes and process that what you are seeing has been my main focus EVERY single day for 2 months.  I’m not that lawn care guy driving into neighborhood after neighborhood taping my business card on mailbox after mailbox, but my effort is pretty much the same.  And while some things stay the same, my world (and the world of those I live with) has turned completely upside down.

Hello.  My name is Brenda, and I’m a Poshmark-aholic.  I’ll give you a little insight into my life then…and now.

THEN –  I can go a WHOLE day without having to perform any kind of recharge on my iPhone.  Yeah, I know.  Lucky!!!  It will be at LEAST 10pm before the “20% of battery remaining ” pops up on my screen for the first time today.

NOW –  I’m down a full charge and I haven’t even changed out of my pj’s.  I’m carrying a portable battery charger on me at ALL times.  I mean, there’s no telling if I’ll be able to find an outlet in that TJMaxx, or make it across that parking lot in time to charge in the car.  And I’m getting ultra paranoid in this regard.  What if a charging rhino or a marching band gets in the way of me charging my phone?

THEN – Updating my Facebook status at least 4 times a day and I’m on every few seconds to see if anyone has liked or commented.  I know what everyone is doing in my Facebook universe, down to that child’s lost tooth or how devastated some of my friends are….4 months after the election.

NOW – I’m on Facebook less than 5 minutes a day.  OMG.  I can’t BELIEVE I just said that.

THEN – The 32 gigs on my iPhone are getting NO LOVE.  Updating my phone on iTunes is a joke.  I have less than 200 photos on my iPhone camera roll and most of those are of my dog or the photographic journaling of my latest foil job at the hair salon.  Don’t ask…it’s a girl thing.

NOW –  I have taken almost 2100 photos on my phone in 4 weeks.  And 95 percent of those are breathtaking pictures of….. clothing….pics of clothing worn by me, clothing draped on me, clothing displayed on my bedspread, clothing draped into fashionably spectacular positions over my latest issue of Vanity Fair, clothing on a hanger suspended over a doorframe because that’s the best lighting, and clothing modeled by my mannequin.  Yes, you heard me correctly.

THEN – I don’t own a mannequin.

NOW – I own a mannequin…and it’s getting more attention than my husband.  Okay, it’s technically a dress form, buuuuutttt, go ahead….tell me how lucky I am.  My husband refuses to comment.  Unfortunately, said mannequin must be of the female persuasion to adequately model a little black dress with halter top (i.e. must have knockers…)  Those mannequins based on Hugh Jackman’s mind-boggling physique will not work.  And believe me, I tried…

THEN – I visit the interior of my local USPS to buy Christmas stamps or apply for a passport.  Since my passport is current and good for another 10 years, AND I now email my Christmas cards, I’m not even sure if I remember the way to my local USPS.

NOW –  My local USPS knows me on a first name basis and announces my entrance like Rod Roddy used to do on “The Price is Right”.  I’m averaging 4 visits a week, and I always have to get some assistance at the door because I’m so laden with boxes.  I now understand the finer nuances of Express, Priority, and Priority Flat Rate.  Up until now, I just thought those were cool terms for what kind of trains they have in Japan.

THEN – I’m not saying I’m a super gourmand, but I have been known to whip up a fine box of Velveeta Shells and Cheese.

NOW – I haven’t made a home cooked meal since the Super Bowl.  In fact, I didn’t make a home cooked meal that night, either.  (Do pigs in blankets count as “home cooked”?)  And I’m currently online with another Poshmarker joking about the fact that I’m so busy listing clothing and checking the app that I haven’t eaten all day.  I think I need to equip my iPhone with an IV bag so I can keep up nutrition while I Posh.  Hey, I think I’m on to something…

“We interrupt this THEN and NOW for this NOTE to SELF”

Note to self – stop Poshing for 5 minutes to get a patent on that smart phone IV bag thingy….

“Now, back to our regularly scheduled blog…”

THEN – I just bought a digital scale to weigh a Pinewood Derby car for my son.  I’m gonna store it behind my cookbooks because I won’t use it.

NOW – “DON’T YOU DARE EVEN THINK OF MOVING THAT DIGITAL SCALE FROM IT’S PLACE OF PROMINENCE, EVEN IF WE NEED TO SERVE OUR TAKE OUT THERE!” {snarling like a rabid dog}

THEN – I’m up to date on the latest movies.  I’ve seen everything in the theatre and I’m in the know about which celebrity is sleeping with which celebrity, and if Lindsey Lohan is still in jail.  She’s definitely not currently in jail and Charlie Sheen just bailed her out of her tax debt.  BTW, that ankle manacle looks smashing on her.

NOW – WHAT!  I can’t use my phone in the theatre?!?  Stupid rules.

Ummm..who is Lindsey Lohan?

THEN – Think I’ll just watch a little more TV and turn in for the night.  10PM  Pumpkin time!

NOW – Those California Posh girls stay up until at least midnight!  I’m two hours ahead so I’ll be lucky if I make it to bed by 2AM.  Of course, still have sales to box up.  OMG, did my headless mannequin just smile at me?  Or is that lack of sleep delirium?

THEN – WOW, did you see those stilettos at Hustler Hollywood?!?!

NOW – WOW, did you see those stilettos on Poshmark?!?

THEN – The only fashion designer I know is Michael Kors….because he judges Project Runway, of course!  Did you see that guest judge the other night…um, Beverly something – she has some cray cray hair and outfits!

NOW – Ellen Tracy is not a person.  We have Chanel to thank for the LBD.  I know the difference between a 1990s Giorgio Armani black label and a post-1990s one.  Want to know if that LV Epi Alma you bought from that guy in Times Square is authentic?  Without seeing it, the short answer is NO and… are you out of your mind?

THEN – I’m meeting new friends every day.  These are girls that I’ll know forever.  Think I’ll take ’em out to lunch this week.

NOW – I’m meeting new friends every day.  These are girls that I’ll know forever.  I’ll probably never get to take them to lunch, but our degrees of separation are forever reduced because of this madness, this lunacy, this insanity, this craziness…this distraction.

But boy, oh boy, what a distraction it is!

16 thoughts on “Gotta Smashin’ Passion for Poshin’ Fashion!

  1. Adiel says:

    Ahahaha! You are absolutely hilarious! My favorite part?
    “Want to know if that LV Epi Alma you bought from that guy in Times Square is authentic? Without seeing it, the short answer is NO and… are you out of your mind?”

  2. Joanna says:

    OMG this made me LOL all over the place, you are too funny!

    • brendaed says:

      Thanks, Joanna! I just love to make people smile! Please check back for more posts from my cray cray brain. It hasn’t failed me yet!

  3. Tracy says:

    Hey lady. You just made me laugh and cry at the same time. Thank you for this!
    From one lunatic to another…. 🙂

  4. Maria says:

    Another amazing post, m’dear. You have everyone in the office giggling! 🙂

    xx,
    Maria
    kittiesandcouture.com
    poshmark.com/closet/maria

    • brendaed says:

      Thanks, Maria! Tell everyone in the PM office “Howdy y’all and keep up the FINE work!” Just returned from vacation and immediately back on Poshmark!! I’ll unpack next year….

  5. Viviane says:

    Omg… I’m laughing so hard because this is Me!!!!! So I’m not the only one that needs to recharge my iPhone and my iPad before I can even get out of my pjs. I have to show this to my daughter tomorrow. She’s only 11 and she said she was concerned about me. Love it!!!

  6. Shari says:

    OH. MY. GOD. I feel as though I just read a script of “The Shari Movie”. You have, without question, scripted a day in the life of Shari, (with the exception of the fact that I know who Lindsay Lohan is as she used to live near me) which is…SAD!!!! Girl…. We need to stop, problem is, I just love meeting all these wonderful ladies!!! I don’t do it for the money, I usually let the buyer name their price…I do it for the fun. My children know when I’m “poshing”….they laugh.
    Well, thanks for validating the insanity, that is….posh….

    • brendaed says:

      Hey, Shari!

      Thanks so much for your comments! I definitely get a kick every time another Posher reads this post and says “OMG, that’s ME!” But, wow, I can’t believe you took 5 minutes out of your Posh life to read this! You must be cray cray! 🙂 Oh wait, you said you know Lindsey….yep, definitely cray cray! Girl, we are definitely Posh partners in lunacy. So much so, I’m now following your closet… Cue up the “Jaws” theme…

  7. Khris Kantor says:

    Omg I love reading this!!!! Lol. But am I the only one who buys more than selling???

    My husband and son feels a little neglected since I’m glued to my iPhone that they try to hide it from me when they can! Luckily I am GLUED to it 24/7! Hahhaha

    How can something feels wrong that feels so right too??? I am totally addicted to Poshmarking!!! PM cancelled my buying ability one time because I bought over $500 in less than a week!!! That’s when I realized I was addicted! Yup! Guilty as charged! Hehe but thankfully they removed it as soon as I proven than it really was me buying all those stuff and not someone who stole my Visa card.

    Thanks for this hun! It was refreshing to read about, I will be following you!

    -Khris (@kiss2khris)

  8. Alexandrea Riggan says:

    Wow, now I have proof that I’m not the only one! My favorite is about the phone memory! When my phone displayed the message “not enough memory”, I was in disbelief. I restarted the stupid thing thinking it was a glitch. Nope, my phone was filled with photos of clothing, clothing, clothing, and……. what was it? Oh yeah, CLOTHING! Now I’m actually considering an upgrade of my iCloud. When I bought my phone, “I’ll never need the 32gb phone. Who uses that much?” Biggest mistake evvvvvaaaa!!! Lol great post once again and love your blog!

    -Alex

  9. Holly Jones says:

    You’re genius!!! So funny, once again, my husband was rolling his eyes at me, and I’m STILL not asleep… Thank you very much!! Hahahahahaha!!!

  10. a says:

    Too funny!!!

  11. Katrina Alvin says:

    It’s a shame I can relate to all of these. Lol.

  12. Kim bialek says:

    Nailed it Brenda!!!! You are THE funnest and funniest blogger!!!!!!!

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